Wednesday, October 30, 2013

In Memoriam

(Me, Gram, Mom)
I cannot believe it has been a whole year since my Grandma passed away.
I still cannot believe how much it still hurts that she is gone.
This picture was taken about two weeks before she passed away so I am glad I got to spend time with her before she left.
I remember getting the call at work in the morning.  My Mom was trying so hard not to cry because she did not want me to get upset, but I could hear her saying "You need to say your goodbye, Cass".
The tears started streaming down my face and when my Mom put the phone to her ear I told her that I love her and that I will miss her, but it is okay if it is her time.  I also told her that I was so happy she was able to meet the man I will marry because even if she can't be there I wanted her to know I would be taken care of.
My boyfriend then rushed me to the hospital so I could try to make it there.
I called my Mom when I was about five minutes away to tell her I was almost there.
My Mom told my Grandma that I was coming and almost there and then she finally let go.
I did not get to say goodbye in person, but I did get to tell her goodbye before she left.
Even writing this now my throat is tightening and I'm fighting back tears.
I was her only Granddaughter so we had a special bond that has not broken even with her passing.
I will always miss her, but the pain of her being gone is eased by knowing she is no longer in pain.

 I loved when I was younger and you taught me to sew, a skill I use at least once a week to darn a sock or sew up a hole in a shirt.
I would grumble about taking you to church on Christmas morning, but in reality I didn't mind because I was spending time with you (and we made fun of the terrible singers together).
I also cherish the time I got to spend with you when I went down to pick you up in Florida and bring you up to Mass.

I hold these memories near and dear to my heart.

I will always miss you and always love you.